The past couple of months have been a struggle for me, due to several events beyond my control. I’m truly grateful that I’ve landed in a pretty good place in June, but the sadness that overcame my life during large parts of April and May will not just disappear. I’m able to find relief through tons of activity that is close to where I was before the pandemic with friends and family who are willing to connect and spend time with me. The writer’s block is broken, and while I’m still relearning how to focus and write like I used to, I’m getting so many ideas again.
While I’m better and there so much joy and peace with the new things I’m trying out and the people I’m reconnecting with and others I’m meeting for the first time, during pockets of much needed solitude I’m left once again with my fears and my demons. I’ve lost something that I had before the pandemic: an ability to be at peace and happy when I’m alone. I got incredibly adept and comfortable with it during the pandemic and found a lot of peace, but now that I’ve tasted connection and community again, I feel fragile and sad when I’m alone.
I’ve realized over the past few weeks that I can’t bury or distract myself from the sadness in the long run. It feels unpleasant and heavy to sit with the ache and the pain, but I have to. Today’s practice is to be grateful for the sadness, because I get a lot out of it. I get some of my art, there’s passion that comes out of strong emotions, and growth if you allow it. There’s empathy for myself and other folks who are going through a tough time, and it’s a genuine reminder to hold memories of the good times close. It’s also a reminder to deeply enjoy the amazing things I do have, like a nice home, a job, good food and close family and friends. I have leisure.
So today, I am grateful for the sad and all the good and lessons that come with it.
A huge thanks to all the people I roped into this project: we did it. 🙂 Robert sent me the final versions of all the masters for “Broken, Perfect” last week, and I uploaded all of them on Soundcloud on Friday. Here’s the link! https://soundcloud.com/samayaformusic/albums
My friend Maira (an amazing graphic designer) designed the cover, and captured the heart of what I was trying to convey incredibly well. Thank you!
I can’t believe it’s done. Strange mixture of emotions, relief (we made it to the finish line), happiness (OMG, I’ve released my second album!!), but also a very real sense of loss (what’s the point of my life now??). A part of me almost feels shell shocked, because we’ve been pounding the pavement so hard for a while to get the album done. I think this is what empty nest syndrome must feel like. 🙂
The next project is our show at Brick and Mortar on August 6th (Sunday). The date is coming up really fast; I feel like this crazy year’s been speeding by.
Wish me luck on everything else to come, and hope you all had an amazing weekend!
Had a blast last night playing at Monroe. Here are some pictures! So grateful to everyone who came out to support us. Thank you!!
10/22 – at the Showdown, coming up in less than two weeks! https://www.facebook.com/events/816016245207659/
11/20 – at the Milk Bar
We are now number 3 on the ReverbNation Indie charts for San Francisco, CA! Really grateful to everyone’s help in getting there. www.reverbnation.com/samaya2
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve watched our rank climb in the charts. I was stuck at 20something for a while. “Impossible” got a chance to be featured under Crowd Picks on ReverbNation last week, and we shot up to number 3 for the San Francisco Indie charts within a week. I haven’t had a lot of traction on other media channels like YouTube and Soundcloud, so it felt so good to see that a larger number people actually liked the music I was making.
After months of holding out for the right moment, I decided to release Impossible on Soundcloud and Reverbnation: https://www.reverbnation.com/samaya2/song/23787717-impossible-produced-by-max-savage
It feels cathartic to finally let this one go. 🙂 I hope you’re all doing wonderfully well on this epic and beautiful day, and have an amazing weekend! 🙂
It’s started again, I’m back in the studio this year. The picture above features voice teacher, keys player and producer extraordinaire, Robert Robinson, in a room with one of the best sound systems I have ever come into contact with. Everything sounded amazing in there. We finished recording vocals for two songs. My voice started to fray a little after 1.5 hours of singing, so we’re going to work on the 3rd in the first set this weekend. I’ve been plagued by allergies for the last couple of months for the first time in my life, which has thrown some interesting curve balls my way. 🙂 Wish me luck!
I discovered one of my favourite bands a couple of months ago, Marian Hill. I went to watch Marian Hill and Jack Garratt play last Friday, and the show was amazing. Marian Hill, in particular, was great. The crowd was very inclusive and friendly, and the lead singer’s grandmother and aunt were in the audience right in front of us. It was a lot of fun to meet the band’s relatives and friends. The band members were also really friendly and took the time to speak to people at the show.
All in all it was a wonderful evening.
A few minutes ago my mood was not quite at its best, but it only took a second to remember how grateful I am for all the love I have in my life, and for all the opportunities I’ve had. I’m back on track to start another sunny day, though I’m not excited about driving to work through the crazy traffic and construction in the city. Can’t have everything. 🙂
I’ve spent some time working on a new song idea over the past couple of days. It’s been a while, as I’ve been heavily focused on producing my second album, so it felt great to work on a new song. Looking forward to working on more new material over the next few months.
We finished creating all the stems for Deep Blue today. The song sounds really different from what I had envisioned when I first started writing it 20 years ago as a child, or even when I finished writing it a few months ago. I love the direction Robert’s given it. Only one more song left, and the album’s done!
Happy Lunar New Year, and for those who don’t celebrate it, I hope you have something else to celebrate today! 🙂