Grateful for the Sad

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The past couple of months have been a struggle for me, due to several events beyond my control. I’m truly grateful that I’ve landed in a pretty good place in June, but the sadness that overcame my life during large parts of April and May will not just disappear. I’m able to find relief through tons of activity that is close to where I was before the pandemic with friends and family who are willing to connect and spend time with me. The writer’s block is broken, and while I’m still relearning how to focus and write like I used to, I’m getting so many ideas again.

While I’m better and there so much joy and peace with the new things I’m trying out and the people I’m reconnecting with and others I’m meeting for the first time, during pockets of much needed solitude I’m left once again with my fears and my demons. I’ve lost something that I had before the pandemic: an ability to be at peace and happy when I’m alone. I got incredibly adept and comfortable with it during the pandemic and found a lot of peace, but now that I’ve tasted connection and community again, I feel fragile and sad when I’m alone.

I’ve realized over the past few weeks that I can’t bury or distract myself from the sadness in the long run. It feels unpleasant and heavy to sit with the ache and the pain, but I have to. Today’s practice is to be grateful for the sadness, because I get a lot out of it. I get some of my art, there’s passion that comes out of strong emotions, and growth if you allow it. There’s empathy for myself and other folks who are going through a tough time, and it’s a genuine reminder to hold memories of the good times close. It’s also a reminder to deeply enjoy the amazing things I do have, like a nice home, a job, good food and close family and friends. I have leisure.

So today, I am grateful for the sad and all the good and lessons that come with it.

Why So Serious?

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After a rough couple of months, I finally had a couple of much needed breakthroughs. It brought me some relief and excitement, but instead of sustained peace and feelings of glory I’m plagued by fear and apprehension. I’m trying to understand why I don’t feel a little like I won? I’m hopeful I’m making good choices, but time can change everything, and circumstances seem to change in uncontrollable and unpredictable ways these days. We will know with time. Keeping my fingers crossed, and hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Where are we now?

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My mind has started waking up again, though another COVID variant wave is passing through the world. And did the news this morning say something about monkey pox? Seriously, monkey pox? If there’s one thing I’m learning, some of these events are linked. As we invade the planet’s defenses, the planet is fighting back against us humans. I’m spending more time listening to scientists who say “I am angry, not depressed”. That gives me hope, because anger helps you take action. I have a tendency to get sad sometimes, like the end is inevitable. But maybe it’s not.

Grateful

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It’s been a difficult fall, but November was lovely. Nothing materially changed; the pandemic continues, the world still feels strange and I only just managed to get an appointment for a now seemingly necessary booster as more variants were announced this weekend. It was simply the passage of time and a shifting frame of mind that allowed me to think through what I love to do, and who I love to spend time with. The past couple of weeks have been wonderful. I got to celebrate one of my close friends’ birthday, hang out with more close friends, attend a virtual wedding for someone who is an awesome person, and spend the long weekend with my brother who treats me like royalty. All I can say is, thank you to everyone who brought me joy this month. In September, I couldn’t even fathom what joy felt like. I just had to wait and breathe. For folks in the US, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! For everyone else, I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 🙂 Love you all!

Hope As The City Comes Back To Life

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I walked to a restaurant to meet a friend for dinner today. On my way there I walked past a bar with laughing groups of folks interacting with each other. There was energizing and fun music playing. It reminded me of what we used to have before, and it felt so good to hear and see city sights again. As more and more people get vaccinated and it gets safer, I’m truly grateful and feeling optimistic about what’s to come.

Music Collab

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Just sent a draft to a new artist I was introduced to. His song was great and didn’t really need anything, so I tried to keep my effects minimal. Waiting to see what he thinks; hope he likes the additions!

Today was a good day. With more and more news of people getting vaccinated I’m feeling more and more optimistic. Spring really feels great right now, and summer’s exciting possibilities are right around the corner.

Music Updates!

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It’s a lovely, bright and sunny day. Still chilly, mind you, but I can feel the days getting longer and I can feel spring approaching. Amazing news on the music front: a track I worked on with an artist last year is finally getting released! I’d almost forgotten about it, but it was great to hear the news today. I’m also collaborating with a new artist and his track is awesome. I can’t wait to work on it!

Life is really good, and I’m so grateful and happy. There’s a part of me that’s always wondering what’s around the corner now (I never thought “Pandemic!” last year, haha), but I’ll take a stretch of happiness and optimism for now. 🙂

Hope everyone is doing really well!

Lovely Weekend, Life Full of Promise

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This weekend was packed and absolutely lovely. The weather was beautiful and pleasant, I spent a lot of time wandering around outside and connecting with family and friends virtually and in person outside. Discovered a new vegan restaurant with outdoor seating set up in Hayes Valley last night, and the area looked beautiful. Gave me hope to see the city coming back to life, with all its culture and people. More and more people I know are getting vaccinated as well, which is amazing news!

End to an Amazing Week!

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I woke up this morning feeling well rested, happy, young, and optimistic. The weather is lovely and the clouds are playing hide and seek with the sun, adding to the day’s charm and mystery. I started a new job last week, and while the first week had a lot of a usual new hire onboarding and training (even more structured now that everything is virtual), I learned a ton and was so excited to be there and met so many kind, smart and interesting people.

I finished the day yesterday by cooking my own very deviant twist on a traditional Punjabi recipe that I haven’t eaten in ages as you don’t really get it at restaurants here. It uses a base made of mustard greens, which is such an unusual ingredient with a unique taste and flavor that I love. 🙂 No one who makes this recipe would buy into what I did yesterday with it, but the process was incredibly creative and fun! During the rest of this weekend I’m looking forward to catching up with friends and family and finishing up the recording for a brand new song, the last song of my third album!!!

I feel at peace when I woke up today, and I’m really grateful for it. Hope everyone has a fulfilling and great weekend!