All kinds of things seem to be burning and breaking again. Uncertainty continues, but I’ve been able to maintain the acceptance and calm, which I am grateful for.
I was desolate when I saw the news on Friday: that the Notorious RBG, one of my heroes and a true legend, had passed away. Things are so uncertain now American friends of mine are starting to panic. I have no idea what the next few months will look like for me, a brown, immigrant woman witnessing the US’ social and political upheaval.
But this weekend brought a breath of fresh air and sunshine. Restaurants and salons have started to open up, and I’m seeing happier faces on the streets. I met up with two sets of friends for food over the weekend, and got my nails done. Being around people I love was wonderful, and reminded me all the amazing aspects of my life I used to love. The weather was sunny and perfect, and the air quality was so good that it was almost hard to remember the wildfires.
As we continue to move forward with this crazy year and a really murky future, I’m grateful I had a lovely weekend of laughter, good food, and loved ones. Oh, and my toenails are now an iridescent, shimmering teal. 🙂
Here’s to hoping there’s hope, here’s to love and laughter. Hope you are all staying safe and well! Much love.
I can’t breathe properly, despite my air purifier. I’ve been paying attention to the threshold changes today, and I could really notice the difference from 160 to 238. I thought it was in the red all afternoon (176 when I’d last checked), but during a meeting I started feeling progressively more light headed and tired and mentally foggy. I checked right after, curious, and realized why I was feeling awful: the AQI is 238 right now.
Still feeling calm, which I’m grateful for. Also have amazing family and friends checking in and staying in touch, thank you all so much for staying connected. I’m so grateful for you and I love you.
My second purifier has been shipped, and will hopefully arrive soon. The one I’ve currently got running is maxed out as the air indoors isn’t really holding out.
Okay, I think I’m going to take a nap.
This was the view outside the window at 8 in the morning on a day the weather forecast had said would be warm and sunny.
Apparently, camera filters can’t capture how orange the sky is all over the Bay Area today, but you’ll just have to take our word for it. And there are articles and photos on SF Gate that are really beautiful. It’s 1:26 pm here, and it’s as dark as 6 in the morning or a little past sunset. We haven’t seen the sun all day and the sky started out a weird shade of brown. It has now graduated to brownish orange. Burnt sienna, maybe.
The smoke from all the wildfires have blocked the sun out today hammering home the impact of climate change and environmental damage. Maybe the plan to emigrate to Mars is unnecessary, as we seem to have brought it to our own planet. When I was a teenager, I used to imagine that I would move to Mars someday and establish a utopian, wonderful colony of humans.
I’m trying to appreciate how bizarre the day has been, and my inner teenager gets to pretend the move to Mars actually happened today. The AQI is still high for some weird reason that I’m deeply grateful for, but I’m definitely not opening any windows to let outside air in. Just like I wouldn’t on Mars or in space. 2020 has been such a weird one.
No idea what tomorrow will look like, but I’ve turned my lights off and have opened the blinds just to be able to marvel at the orange brown outside and the strangeness of the smoke-eclipsed sun. What a day.
A close friend of mine suggested I do a writing course with her called “Pathway to Peace” a few weeks ago. It was a four week course, and this past week was the final week of the course. It was an amazing experience, and I turned a couple of the writing prompts into songs.
The final assignment was writing a sacred letter to your younger self. I had plenty to write, but here were the three most important points I walked away with for my past and future self:
- Maintain the belief that you are worthy. Everything in life is a process, and believing in your worth is not something I take for granted. But for me, it is essential and deserves time and effort.
- Prioritize your health as being critically important. I learned some tough lessons early, and ignoring what your body needs means you’re too broken to show up for the stuff that matters if you don’t listen. And by then it’s much harder, if even possible, to fix the problem.
- Be true to yourself. Cliche, but so true. Trying to force yourself to become someone else version of what’s right for you will leave you feeling empty and drained. I’m really flawed, but I also have good things to offer. If I ignore that completely, everyone will miss out on the good stuff. 🙂
Musings for a Saturday. The air finally cleared later today, and I’m grateful for it. I’m happy I can finally think clearly and don’t have a burning sensation in my throat. 🙂
Today started off with some really good news: I’ve crossed 10K monthly listeners on Spotify! Was so excited to see that this morning!
A bright spot for me in a tough couple of weeks out here with the massive fires in California. San Francisco and other parts of the Bay Area have been covered in smoke for a couple of weeks now, and it’s been hard to breathe or think. Some of us have been feeling really ill from inhaling all the pollution.
Strange times, these. I’m grateful for a break from worrying about the future, not just my own for the next several decades of my life, but the legacy we leave behind for future generations as climate change, environmental damage and social inequities continue be problems for the world.
More to follow on that as the fires continue to rage…
Starting to think about the future amid the horrible wildfires, pandemic, social unrest and feeling like I’m not growing or moving in the right direction at any level this morning. To combat this feeling, I put myself together like I was presenting in front of a client today. I’m wearing one of my favorite business casual dresses, I put makeup and earrings on and did my hair. Helped for a bit.
Then I reached out to one of my best friends to ask her how she was doing. I was honest when she asked me the same question and said I was feeling sad about my future. She then reminded me that, “everyone’s future is blurry right now.” And she’s 100% right. Sadly, yet also comfortingly, I’m not in this alone. The world is reeling from these tectonic shifts and I’m along for the ride just like everybody else.
The smoke made it hard to breathe today, even with the doors shut and my air purifier cranked up to its highest setting. But finally, the air is starting to clear, the acrid smoke smell still lingers, but it’s starting to fade.
I came up with another company idea today, something I haven’t done in a while. One of the best things about being stuck in isolation with my brain is I’m letting it play more and more, and it’s an amazing feeling. I lean into every crazy idea like I used to when I was younger, and explore it until it dies a natural death or becomes an enduring learning experience.
Some ideas are songs, some become cover art for new singles. Some become a new mission, or an old drive solidified. It’s good to know my mind is still awake, learning and open, even with the smoke and lack of oxygen.