Hello, Insomnia…

Not the first time I’ve found myself lying awake in bed unable to sleep recently, frustrated beyond measure partly at the negatives in my life, but mostly at not being able to unwind enough to get the sleep and rest I desperately need. This the first period in my life I’ve ever struggled with sleep like this. I’m a light sleeper so noises and lights will wake me up easily, and I need the temperature to be right as well, but I’m usually so tired that I can fall asleep really quickly.

My sense of humor still prevails (which I’m so thankful for!), but I’m still angry at people who continue to cause pain in my immediate life. I picked up Fred Luskin’s book, Forgive For Good, a few years ago. It’s a great book that provides practical, actionable tips on forgiveness as a practice. But, like good communication, forgiveness has to start with a commitment to let things go. 🙂 I’m not ready yet.

I want life to assert balance right now. I want Takers to suffer, and I want karma to slap wrongdoers upside the head. Today, I’m not in the mood for acceptance though that worked really well last week, haha. 🙂 Today, I want to see karma in action against those who crush folks below them without compassion. Today, I want to see people pay for the pain they have caused, both involuntarily and on purpose. Entitled, spoiled, bratty privileged people hurt because of their ignorance and callous lack of awareness, as much as they hurt to preserve their place on the totem pole. I want them to look at reality and understand it, develop a real knowledge and awareness of it. One way to do that is reactions that are equal to their actions. Did you lie to gain your wealth? I want you to lose it all and then some to make sure the point is made. Did you bully, hurt and steal ideas from people to get up the corporate ladder? I want you stuck in limbo for the rest of your life experiencing pain as a direct cause, and I want to see you learn and grow from that pain and realization.

I’ve watched amazing friends and family members suffer a lot unfairly in life. And I’ve watched terrible people make it and achieve their dreams. I’m a proactive, type A person, so part of my anger stems from the fact that I can’t teach anyone to do the “right” thing. I can’t change anyone, their evolution can only be driven by them. The best I can do is pay it forward. I’m lucky for what I have right now, maybe focus my energy on people who have less? I can try and help when I can’t right the wrongs in this world by getting angry. Acceptance and forgiveness are the best route to peace right now when so many things are out of my control.

Life is unfair. There’s no getting around it. But what about balance? Is that something I can hope for? What about accountability and consequences for bad actors?

Hello, calm. Writing helps me process emotions really well, so this was great. I’m yawning, so hopeful I’ll fall asleep as soon as I go back to bed. 🙂

Take care, peeps, hope you are all well. I’m rooting for you.