When a loved one passes…

My grandmother on my father’s side passed away today. She was 92 years old when she died, and her death was peaceful and calm and she was in no pain. She’s – she was – a complex person with tons of facets and sides, incredibly strong willed and sharp witted. She lived through so many difficult and defining events in India including WW II, Partition, the Bengal Famine, Indian Independence.

My father just sent an obituary of sorts to my mother’s side of the family and it was beautiful. The family is coming together to help and support each other get through this. I’m really grateful for that, but I really wish this year would let up for a bit, you know?

I cried for what felt like hours this evening and I’m glad I finally stopped because I had a pounding headache after I was done. I sang some of my grandmother’s favorite traditional Carnatic Classical songs in my repertoire until my voice gave out after. My cousin called late in the evening, and we were reminiscing about our grandparents and going through a treasure trove of stories. It really helped.

I’ve now lost another person I was close to, who loved me unconditionally. The world feels a lot more cold, harsh and lonely now. I feel like there aren’t a lot of people in a person’s life who can give that much unconditional love. I wish I’d appreciated and understood that better while she was still with us.

Rest in peace, Patti. We love you.