Things are starting to open up again in San Francisco, though cautiously. I’m glad it’s slow, but seeing businesses open again and restaurants with people in the streets is such a welcome sight. The weather’s been sunny and lovely, and days are getting longer. I can almost feel spring. I feel hopeful as numbers are going down with the virus. Of course, the variants are lurking around the corner still and I have no idea what the future will end up being in a year. But today feels calm and happy. I feel grateful for it.
Today was a genuinely good day. I’m so grateful for days like this, because the pandemic-that-refuses-to-end definitely succeeds at tearing down my sanity during certain days and weeks in addition to all the things (big and small) that life throws at all of us anyway.
I know I’m lucky, I’ve been able to grow, eat, sleep, find a new job, have a roof over my head, and even afford to make some extraneous purchases without having to count every dollar. So lucky. But there are days when I can’t convince myself to step outside, the prospect of dealing with throngs of people at a grocery store is terrifying, and if I hang out with people I’m close to even with masks and social distancing, I can’t help but wonder if I might end up being responsible for giving them a horrible disease, that I may be contaminated. With all of it, there is a sense of muted sadness at the edge of my mental perception I can’t shake. It’s knowing that I can’t be connected in person with my fellow humans and the communities that help me feel like a part of something real and warm. I really miss you all, my peeps. Even those of you I haven’t even met yet. 🙁 And I really miss hugs.
I’m winding down with my last week at my current job, and really excited about my new role and getting a week off in between the two. I’ve been working on music, collaborating more with other artists again, reading, finding peace, cooking up a storm and experimenting with new ingredients, catching up with people I love and accepting truths. It’s been wonderful.
One of my best friends sent me a link to an incredibly inspiring letter that W.E.B. Dubois wrote to his daughter when she was a teenager: https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/02/23/w-e-b-du-bois-yolande-letter/
Life is good. Today was a genuinely beautiful day, and I was inspired. Thank you, Universe!