The past couple of months have been a struggle for me, due to several events beyond my control. I’m truly grateful that I’ve landed in a pretty good place in June, but the sadness that overcame my life during large parts of April and May will not just disappear. I’m able to find relief through tons of activity that is close to where I was before the pandemic with friends and family who are willing to connect and spend time with me. The writer’s block is broken, and while I’m still relearning how to focus and write like I used to, I’m getting so many ideas again.
While I’m better and there so much joy and peace with the new things I’m trying out and the people I’m reconnecting with and others I’m meeting for the first time, during pockets of much needed solitude I’m left once again with my fears and my demons. I’ve lost something that I had before the pandemic: an ability to be at peace and happy when I’m alone. I got incredibly adept and comfortable with it during the pandemic and found a lot of peace, but now that I’ve tasted connection and community again, I feel fragile and sad when I’m alone.
I’ve realized over the past few weeks that I can’t bury or distract myself from the sadness in the long run. It feels unpleasant and heavy to sit with the ache and the pain, but I have to. Today’s practice is to be grateful for the sadness, because I get a lot out of it. I get some of my art, there’s passion that comes out of strong emotions, and growth if you allow it. There’s empathy for myself and other folks who are going through a tough time, and it’s a genuine reminder to hold memories of the good times close. It’s also a reminder to deeply enjoy the amazing things I do have, like a nice home, a job, good food and close family and friends. I have leisure.
So today, I am grateful for the sad and all the good and lessons that come with it.
It’s been a difficult fall, but November was lovely. Nothing materially changed; the pandemic continues, the world still feels strange and I only just managed to get an appointment for a now seemingly necessary booster as more variants were announced this weekend. It was simply the passage of time and a shifting frame of mind that allowed me to think through what I love to do, and who I love to spend time with. The past couple of weeks have been wonderful. I got to celebrate one of my close friends’ birthday, hang out with more close friends, attend a virtual wedding for someone who is an awesome person, and spend the long weekend with my brother who treats me like royalty. All I can say is, thank you to everyone who brought me joy this month. In September, I couldn’t even fathom what joy felt like. I just had to wait and breathe. For folks in the US, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! For everyone else, I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 🙂 Love you all!
Just sent a draft to a new artist I was introduced to. His song was great and didn’t really need anything, so I tried to keep my effects minimal. Waiting to see what he thinks; hope he likes the additions!
Today was a good day. With more and more news of people getting vaccinated I’m feeling more and more optimistic. Spring really feels great right now, and summer’s exciting possibilities are right around the corner.
It’s a lovely, bright and sunny day. Still chilly, mind you, but I can feel the days getting longer and I can feel spring approaching. Amazing news on the music front: a track I worked on with an artist last year is finally getting released! I’d almost forgotten about it, but it was great to hear the news today. I’m also collaborating with a new artist and his track is awesome. I can’t wait to work on it!
Life is really good, and I’m so grateful and happy. There’s a part of me that’s always wondering what’s around the corner now (I never thought “Pandemic!” last year, haha), but I’ll take a stretch of happiness and optimism for now. 🙂
I woke up this morning feeling well rested, happy, young, and optimistic. The weather is lovely and the clouds are playing hide and seek with the sun, adding to the day’s charm and mystery. I started a new job last week, and while the first week had a lot of a usual new hire onboarding and training (even more structured now that everything is virtual), I learned a ton and was so excited to be there and met so many kind, smart and interesting people.
I finished the day yesterday by cooking my own very deviant twist on a traditional Punjabi recipe that I haven’t eaten in ages as you don’t really get it at restaurants here. It uses a base made of mustard greens, which is such an unusual ingredient with a unique taste and flavor that I love. 🙂 No one who makes this recipe would buy into what I did yesterday with it, but the process was incredibly creative and fun! During the rest of this weekend I’m looking forward to catching up with friends and family and finishing up the recording for a brand new song, the last song of my third album!!!
I feel at peace when I woke up today, and I’m really grateful for it. Hope everyone has a fulfilling and great weekend!
I can’t believe another song’s already done. This one was hard to sing and put together, and I had to wrestle with a lot of fear and doubts to get it done. I wanted to get it perfect, but it’s never going to be perfect the first time. 🙂 It’s a process.
Recorded it in my closet and makeshift studio again, haha. Sent it off for mixing and mastering last night!
Things are starting to open up again in San Francisco, though cautiously. I’m glad it’s slow, but seeing businesses open again and restaurants with people in the streets is such a welcome sight. The weather’s been sunny and lovely, and days are getting longer. I can almost feel spring. I feel hopeful as numbers are going down with the virus. Of course, the variants are lurking around the corner still and I have no idea what the future will end up being in a year. But today feels calm and happy. I feel grateful for it.
Today was a genuinely good day. I’m so grateful for days like this, because the pandemic-that-refuses-to-end definitely succeeds at tearing down my sanity during certain days and weeks in addition to all the things (big and small) that life throws at all of us anyway.
I know I’m lucky, I’ve been able to grow, eat, sleep, find a new job, have a roof over my head, and even afford to make some extraneous purchases without having to count every dollar. So lucky. But there are days when I can’t convince myself to step outside, the prospect of dealing with throngs of people at a grocery store is terrifying, and if I hang out with people I’m close to even with masks and social distancing, I can’t help but wonder if I might end up being responsible for giving them a horrible disease, that I may be contaminated. With all of it, there is a sense of muted sadness at the edge of my mental perception I can’t shake. It’s knowing that I can’t be connected in person with my fellow humans and the communities that help me feel like a part of something real and warm. I really miss you all, my peeps. Even those of you I haven’t even met yet. 🙁 And I really miss hugs.
I’m winding down with my last week at my current job, and really excited about my new role and getting a week off in between the two. I’ve been working on music, collaborating more with other artists again, reading, finding peace, cooking up a storm and experimenting with new ingredients, catching up with people I love and accepting truths. It’s been wonderful.
This weekend was an amazing oasis of peace and calm, a real blessing. It was raining quite hard today, not my favorite weather. But it’s weather that I really appreciate, because it puts me in a reflective and seeking mood. Today that mood felt great. Cleaned my entire place, and with the rain pouring outside it felt like a sanctuary.
I can feel the times change, and it really feels like it’s for the better. We have a new canvas to paint, and that makes me feel hopeful and optimistic.
I woke up at 5 am this morning, and couldn’t go back to sleep. 🙂 This has been happening all week and has to do with both Daylight Savings and the US elections. For the first time this week, though, as I lay awake, listening to the beeping and grinding noises of the loud construction vehicles, I felt happy. I’m hopeful about the future, I feel like things are turning a corner. I also was happy to hear the construction noises, which was another sign of things trying to go back to normal. Constant city construction work in my part of town was totally normal pre-COVID.