Happy Friday!

I woke up at 5 am this morning, and couldn’t go back to sleep. 🙂 This has been happening all week and has to do with both Daylight Savings and the US elections. For the first time this week, though, as I lay awake, listening to the beeping and grinding noises of the loud construction vehicles, I felt happy. I’m hopeful about the future, I feel like things are turning a corner. I also was happy to hear the construction noises, which was another sign of things trying to go back to normal. Constant city construction work in my part of town was totally normal pre-COVID.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Day of the Dead and only 2 days left before Election Day!

Can’t believe it’s nearly Election Day. It’s been a crazy four years, and no idea what will happen. I was feeling more pessimistic a few weeks ago, but regardless of the outcome I don’t understand why I’m feeling stressed.

As an immigrant, I can’t vote in this country. I’ve never voted since I’ve spent all of my adult life in the US. Folks are saying nothing will change regardless of who wins, but for some reason it really feels like it matters.

It may be time for me to say goodbye to the US if it becomes increasingly too painful to stay. It’s been a difficult four years, to say the least. Only time will reveal the truth.

On a lighter note, I dressed up as one of my artistic heroes this Halloween: Frida Kahlo. Amazing, inspiring person, what an incredible artist!

Meh. :)

This should have been a great week riding off some really good news from last week. Work was more manageable than usual, and I’ve discovered a love of The Great British Baking Show. My sleep quality has been a lot better as a result.

But my brain is just mush and rather numb from the stress of the past few months. It’s resting from caring too much about everything and being too wound up. I could do with a nice beach, a sea or an ocean, some good food and some books. I can see the giant beach hat and sunglasses and infinite number of naps in my mind. So meh. 🙂

Peekaboo! New Release! :)

Really excited I was able to release this track today:

This song started as an idea that sprung from a conversation with a friend on attachment theory. Soon after, one of my best friends suggested that I take an inner child journaling course with her. This set up the space in my mind to look back in my life. My grandmother passed away during the second week of the course, and I finished writing the song as a tribute to her unconditional love and my childhood. Enjoy!

New Song Wrapped Up!

Just finished a new single this past weekend, and have scheduled it to be released on Friday. So excited! It made me really happy to write it and finish it. I partly used it as a way to process the grief of my grandmother passing, but mostly as a tribute to my childhood and her unconditional love. I’m really grateful to a couple of friends for important conversations around our childhood as well, one of whom suggested I take the Pathway to Peace course with her. The coursework paved the way for me to finish writing this song. I can’t wait to share it, so stay tuned for more soon!!

Almost A Normal Weekend

I was desolate when I saw the news on Friday: that the Notorious RBG, one of my heroes and a true legend, had passed away. Things are so uncertain now American friends of mine are starting to panic. I have no idea what the next few months will look like for me, a brown, immigrant woman witnessing the US’ social and political upheaval.

But this weekend brought a breath of fresh air and sunshine. Restaurants and salons have started to open up, and I’m seeing happier faces on the streets. I met up with two sets of friends for food over the weekend, and got my nails done. Being around people I love was wonderful, and reminded me all the amazing aspects of my life I used to love. The weather was sunny and perfect, and the air quality was so good that it was almost hard to remember the wildfires.

As we continue to move forward with this crazy year and a really murky future, I’m grateful I had a lovely weekend of laughter, good food, and loved ones. Oh, and my toenails are now an iridescent, shimmering teal. 🙂

Here’s to hoping there’s hope, here’s to love and laughter. Hope you are all staying safe and well! Much love.

Hello, Fall!

Only a week away, but the season already feels like it’s ended. I wore fall colors today (wine) to celebrate. AQI is 42 and green right now, I’m so grateful, relieved and happy to see that. Sadly, Portland is still in bad shape. Hoping it rains there soon to help.

Feeling peaceful and calm today, despite a hectic and frazzled morning. Hope you are all well!

AQI: 238

I can’t breathe properly, despite my air purifier. I’ve been paying attention to the threshold changes today, and I could really notice the difference from 160 to 238. I thought it was in the red all afternoon (176 when I’d last checked), but during a meeting I started feeling progressively more light headed and tired and mentally foggy. I checked right after, curious, and realized why I was feeling awful: the AQI is 238 right now.

Still feeling calm, which I’m grateful for. Also have amazing family and friends checking in and staying in touch, thank you all so much for staying connected. I’m so grateful for you and I love you.

My second purifier has been shipped, and will hopefully arrive soon. The one I’ve currently got running is maxed out as the air indoors isn’t really holding out.

Okay, I think I’m going to take a nap.

Hello, Insomnia…

Not the first time I’ve found myself lying awake in bed unable to sleep recently, frustrated beyond measure partly at the negatives in my life, but mostly at not being able to unwind enough to get the sleep and rest I desperately need. This the first period in my life I’ve ever struggled with sleep like this. I’m a light sleeper so noises and lights will wake me up easily, and I need the temperature to be right as well, but I’m usually so tired that I can fall asleep really quickly.

My sense of humor still prevails (which I’m so thankful for!), but I’m still angry at people who continue to cause pain in my immediate life. I picked up Fred Luskin’s book, Forgive For Good, a few years ago. It’s a great book that provides practical, actionable tips on forgiveness as a practice. But, like good communication, forgiveness has to start with a commitment to let things go. 🙂 I’m not ready yet.

I want life to assert balance right now. I want Takers to suffer, and I want karma to slap wrongdoers upside the head. Today, I’m not in the mood for acceptance though that worked really well last week, haha. 🙂 Today, I want to see karma in action against those who crush folks below them without compassion. Today, I want to see people pay for the pain they have caused, both involuntarily and on purpose. Entitled, spoiled, bratty privileged people hurt because of their ignorance and callous lack of awareness, as much as they hurt to preserve their place on the totem pole. I want them to look at reality and understand it, develop a real knowledge and awareness of it. One way to do that is reactions that are equal to their actions. Did you lie to gain your wealth? I want you to lose it all and then some to make sure the point is made. Did you bully, hurt and steal ideas from people to get up the corporate ladder? I want you stuck in limbo for the rest of your life experiencing pain as a direct cause, and I want to see you learn and grow from that pain and realization.

I’ve watched amazing friends and family members suffer a lot unfairly in life. And I’ve watched terrible people make it and achieve their dreams. I’m a proactive, type A person, so part of my anger stems from the fact that I can’t teach anyone to do the “right” thing. I can’t change anyone, their evolution can only be driven by them. The best I can do is pay it forward. I’m lucky for what I have right now, maybe focus my energy on people who have less? I can try and help when I can’t right the wrongs in this world by getting angry. Acceptance and forgiveness are the best route to peace right now when so many things are out of my control.

Life is unfair. There’s no getting around it. But what about balance? Is that something I can hope for? What about accountability and consequences for bad actors?

Hello, calm. Writing helps me process emotions really well, so this was great. I’m yawning, so hopeful I’ll fall asleep as soon as I go back to bed. 🙂

Take care, peeps, hope you are all well. I’m rooting for you.