Strange Day (If I’m being completely honest, not that strange)

I went to a really fun birthday party last night, met some very cool people there. I finished nearly all my errands yesterday and had a pretty productive day as well, so the evening was completely pressure free. I was worried the introversion dragon (an undeniable part of my soul) was going to surface and demand its needs be met, but it was quiet.

I felt fresh and sprightly this morning. I worked out, then went to my voice lesson which I enjoyed. I dressed up for a birthday barbecue in the afternoon and as I was working up the energy to leave my place for the party it hit. 15 minutes before the party was going to start, I called my brother confessing that I desperately needed some alone time and was thinking of  flaking out on a good friend. Feeling extremely guilty, I kept trying to beat myself up. I’m not a flake, I try hard to show up when I commit so not showing up was rough. But my brain wasn’t having any of it. My brother’s one of my closest friends, and can usually separate need from laziness on my end. “Say something came up and you can’t make it.” But I haven’t seen my friend in a long time, and he’s just gotten better from being really sick. “Send him a gift.”

As I realized what I was going to do (send my friend a deeply apologetic note asking to meet for dinner some other time, and stay home), I said with a note of glee, “I bought a bottle of white wine for the party, and I’m going to crack it open over lunch and Netflix.” I spent the afternoon watching the Jem and The Holograms cartoon series from the late 80’s, and experimenting with different food and snack options to complement the Sauvignon blanc I had just opened. Some takeaways from this: my lunch of tomato and cheese sandwich paired with an arugula, strawberries and walnut salad worked extremely well with the wine. Luna bars don’t. Swiss cheese with Dijon mustard, lemon juice and really tangy and hot pepper sauce also works.

A part of me wants to judge myself as being lame and childish, but my afternoon was thoroughly enjoyable.

Hazelnut Crunch Gelato

I’ve been in far worse shape physically and in a lot more pain, and in a far worse situation in terms of money and immigration status. But heartbreak does some funny things to you in destroying your ability to find your usual fighting spirit. I had trouble dragging myself out of bed today, and decided that I needed a goal to spend some time outside: I went on a quest for hazelnut crunch gelato at one of my regular gelato haunts in the city. Every step walking towards the place felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Even the wild and energetic drummer at the street corner near the mall didn’t make me feel better today. I usually feel like he’s a co-conspirator and always get an energy boost when I hear him hammering away and yelling as I pass by.

The hazelnut crunch flavour typically only makes a guest appearance at this place. It’s often not available. Today it was, and I was very grateful. It was fantastic as always, and I walked away feeling deeply satisfied and significantly happier. Today is an uncharacteristically warm day, and eating gelato was exactly the right sort of activity to pursue.

I think I’m going to follow up the success of that excursion with some work on music, and hopefully I’ll start feeling a little more functional this evening. I know this will pass.

A Fresh Start

My luck may be turning with the weather. Today is a glorious summer day, with bright sunshine and a clear blue sky. No matter what happens tomorrow, I’ve had a fantastic day today and nothing will change that. I finished writing a song last night, and got an idea for a new song for the next album I want to put together.

I only have two songs left to finish writing for my first EP. I’m getting there, slowly but surely…