Where do I begin. A couple of days ago I realized that I honestly didn’t know how I felt. Today I feel calm, like I went for a nice long swim but without the contentment and the happiness afterwards. Maybe you could call that numb. I’m grateful for the peace and quiet in my mind, don’t get me wrong. But a part of me wishes I could feel other things as well.
I’m just waiting for the inauguration for now. It was a shock to me that despite Joe Biden’s decisive win, certification, we still ended up at the brink of a civil war with violence and riots in the lead up. Pictures of the capitol with all the troops camping on site to protect American democracy against its own citizens made me deeply sad. I never thought I would witness a day like this.
I’m an immigrant. I chose to move to the US as a 17 year old for college. A huge part of me has recently been asking myself the question, did I pick the wrong country? Canada is right next door, and things look so much better there. What happened with the insurrection in the US is unthinkable in other industrialized countries. Unthinkable. And the divide between the rich and the poor continues to grow.
I’m glad I have a long weekend. I’m hoping I find enough emotion to finish the next single I’m working on. I love it every time I pull it up on Logic to work on it, but I give up after a few cycles of listening and harmonizing to the lead melody. Keeping my fingers crossed the extra time with give me the push I need. 🙂 I cooked a lot of lovely food last night and today, and it made me feel more at ease. Paying attention to my health is one way that I center myself, and food is an important part of that.
Hope everyone is staying safe and well and taking care of themselves.
I woke up at 5 am this morning, and couldn’t go back to sleep. 🙂 This has been happening all week and has to do with both Daylight Savings and the US elections. For the first time this week, though, as I lay awake, listening to the beeping and grinding noises of the loud construction vehicles, I felt happy. I’m hopeful about the future, I feel like things are turning a corner. I also was happy to hear the construction noises, which was another sign of things trying to go back to normal. Constant city construction work in my part of town was totally normal pre-COVID.
Can’t believe it’s nearly Election Day. It’s been a crazy four years, and no idea what will happen. I was feeling more pessimistic a few weeks ago, but regardless of the outcome I don’t understand why I’m feeling stressed.
As an immigrant, I can’t vote in this country. I’ve never voted since I’ve spent all of my adult life in the US. Folks are saying nothing will change regardless of who wins, but for some reason it really feels like it matters.
It may be time for me to say goodbye to the US if it becomes increasingly too painful to stay. It’s been a difficult four years, to say the least. Only time will reveal the truth.
On a lighter note, I dressed up as one of my artistic heroes this Halloween: Frida Kahlo. Amazing, inspiring person, what an incredible artist!
Just finished writing a new song and it’s ready to be released on Soundcloud tomorrow! Super happy about the release. But I’m not going to lie, it’s been a weird and tough week. Not because of what was going on outside, but because I wasn’t feeling it on the inside. I learned today that my feeling of loss at the end of a creative project is quite common for artists.
It makes sense, especially given how much I love the process of creating. Each song has a part of my soul in it, and when it’s done there is a process of mourning and letting go.
This should have been a great week riding off some really good news from last week. Work was more manageable than usual, and I’ve discovered a love of The Great British Baking Show. My sleep quality has been a lot better as a result.
But my brain is just mush and rather numb from the stress of the past few months. It’s resting from caring too much about everything and being too wound up. I could do with a nice beach, a sea or an ocean, some good food and some books. I can see the giant beach hat and sunglasses and infinite number of naps in my mind. So meh. 🙂
Spectacular, bright and sunny Monday today. Brought a little bit of peace with it. On a day like this, you can almost forget everything raging and breaking in the world right now. Breathe it in, lovely warm afternoon sun streaming through the window. Reminds me of lazy summer afternoons from when I was a kid and summer vacation felt boring and long.
I hope everyone is doing okay and had a decent start to the week. Hugs.
It’s been a weird few weeks. Anyone in the US following the news cycle can attest to that. In California, the fires are still raging though I think we should get some relief as the weather cools down and we get some rain. Keeping my fingers crossed and my thoughts with the folks close to the fires.
The news on the national front is getting more strange as well, I really don’t know what to expect from this year anymore.
As my brain continues to unravel with the Fall season, I gave myself another haircut this past weekend. It was oddly exhilarating and liberating. I’ve been fixing it over the past few days, and it felt pretty artistic as a process. I think it also made me feel like I was in control of something. I think that’s part of the reason why I still dress up for work like I’m going to present in person in front of executives at client companies nearly every day, just to feel like something matters as far as work is concerned.
I’ve also started working on a new song this past week! I’m having a lot of fun with this one and it’s quite different from Peekaboo. I won’t lie, I’m scrambling for things to feel like I have a reason to wake up in the morning these days. This week sometimes it’s been episodes of the Great British Bake Show, which is so much fun. Working on the new song also helps. Mostly, I just miss my family and close friends and city life. I hope we find new ways to enjoy the same connections we used to before this pandemic.
Hoping to find some peace and calm this week as it winds down. Happy Wednesday!