A Good Day :)

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Today was a genuinely good day. I’m so grateful for days like this, because the pandemic-that-refuses-to-end definitely succeeds at tearing down my sanity during certain days and weeks in addition to all the things (big and small) that life throws at all of us anyway.

I know I’m lucky, I’ve been able to grow, eat, sleep, find a new job, have a roof over my head, and even afford to make some extraneous purchases without having to count every dollar. So lucky. But there are days when I can’t convince myself to step outside, the prospect of dealing with throngs of people at a grocery store is terrifying, and if I hang out with people I’m close to even with masks and social distancing, I can’t help but wonder if I might end up being responsible for giving them a horrible disease, that I may be contaminated. With all of it, there is a sense of muted sadness at the edge of my mental perception I can’t shake. It’s knowing that I can’t be connected in person with my fellow humans and the communities that help me feel like a part of something real and warm. I really miss you all, my peeps. Even those of you I haven’t even met yet. 🙁 And I really miss hugs.

I’m winding down with my last week at my current job, and really excited about my new role and getting a week off in between the two. I’ve been working on music, collaborating more with other artists again, reading, finding peace, cooking up a storm and experimenting with new ingredients, catching up with people I love and accepting truths. It’s been wonderful.

One of my best friends sent me a link to an incredibly inspiring letter that W.E.B. Dubois wrote to his daughter when she was a teenager: https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/02/23/w-e-b-du-bois-yolande-letter/

Life is good. Today was a genuinely beautiful day, and I was inspired. Thank you, Universe!

The Beginning of the End

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This is my second to the last week at my current job. I’m super excited about the new role I’m about to take up at a biotech focused company. After the assault that science has suffered in the US over the past few years, 2020 inspired a lot of soul searching about what I should do with my life. I really care about climate change and the human condition, and I have degrees in life sciences and biotech. I feel grateful I had the chance to make the switch during such a difficult time. I want to try to help.

I was surprised to feel the sense of loss I felt when I turned in my notice last week. I expected unmitigated joy, but I realized I’m going to miss the people I care about at work and my clients and contacts who made 2020 much more bearable because of their interaction. It’s been sad (and perhaps even painful) to let go.

Really looking forward to this next chapter in my life, even as I’m sad to say goodbye. I’m excited to work on something I find truly meaningful. 🙂

Peace and Calm with the Rain

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This weekend was an amazing oasis of peace and calm, a real blessing. It was raining quite hard today, not my favorite weather. But it’s weather that I really appreciate, because it puts me in a reflective and seeking mood. Today that mood felt great. Cleaned my entire place, and with the rain pouring outside it felt like a sanctuary.

I can feel the times change, and it really feels like it’s for the better. We have a new canvas to paint, and that makes me feel hopeful and optimistic.

Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend!

How Do I Feel Today?

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Where do I begin. A couple of days ago I realized that I honestly didn’t know how I felt. Today I feel calm, like I went for a nice long swim but without the contentment and the happiness afterwards. Maybe you could call that numb. I’m grateful for the peace and quiet in my mind, don’t get me wrong. But a part of me wishes I could feel other things as well.

I’m just waiting for the inauguration for now. It was a shock to me that despite Joe Biden’s decisive win, certification, we still ended up at the brink of a civil war with violence and riots in the lead up. Pictures of the capitol with all the troops camping on site to protect American democracy against its own citizens made me deeply sad. I never thought I would witness a day like this.

I’m an immigrant. I chose to move to the US as a 17 year old for college. A huge part of me has recently been asking myself the question, did I pick the wrong country? Canada is right next door, and things look so much better there. What happened with the insurrection in the US is unthinkable in other industrialized countries. Unthinkable. And the divide between the rich and the poor continues to grow.

I’m glad I have a long weekend. I’m hoping I find enough emotion to finish the next single I’m working on. I love it every time I pull it up on Logic to work on it, but I give up after a few cycles of listening and harmonizing to the lead melody. Keeping my fingers crossed the extra time with give me the push I need. 🙂 I cooked a lot of lovely food last night and today, and it made me feel more at ease. Paying attention to my health is one way that I center myself, and food is an important part of that.

Hope everyone is staying safe and well and taking care of themselves.

Happy Friday!

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I woke up at 5 am this morning, and couldn’t go back to sleep. 🙂 This has been happening all week and has to do with both Daylight Savings and the US elections. For the first time this week, though, as I lay awake, listening to the beeping and grinding noises of the loud construction vehicles, I felt happy. I’m hopeful about the future, I feel like things are turning a corner. I also was happy to hear the construction noises, which was another sign of things trying to go back to normal. Constant city construction work in my part of town was totally normal pre-COVID.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Day of the Dead and only 2 days left before Election Day!

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Can’t believe it’s nearly Election Day. It’s been a crazy four years, and no idea what will happen. I was feeling more pessimistic a few weeks ago, but regardless of the outcome I don’t understand why I’m feeling stressed.

As an immigrant, I can’t vote in this country. I’ve never voted since I’ve spent all of my adult life in the US. Folks are saying nothing will change regardless of who wins, but for some reason it really feels like it matters.

It may be time for me to say goodbye to the US if it becomes increasingly too painful to stay. It’s been a difficult four years, to say the least. Only time will reveal the truth.

On a lighter note, I dressed up as one of my artistic heroes this Halloween: Frida Kahlo. Amazing, inspiring person, what an incredible artist!

Grey Like It’s a Thursday

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Just finished writing a new song and it’s ready to be released on Soundcloud tomorrow! Super happy about the release. But I’m not going to lie, it’s been a weird and tough week. Not because of what was going on outside, but because I wasn’t feeling it on the inside. I learned today that my feeling of loss at the end of a creative project is quite common for artists.

It makes sense, especially given how much I love the process of creating. Each song has a part of my soul in it, and when it’s done there is a process of mourning and letting go.

On to the next. 🙂 So glad tomorrow is Friday…

Meh. :)

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This should have been a great week riding off some really good news from last week. Work was more manageable than usual, and I’ve discovered a love of The Great British Baking Show. My sleep quality has been a lot better as a result.

But my brain is just mush and rather numb from the stress of the past few months. It’s resting from caring too much about everything and being too wound up. I could do with a nice beach, a sea or an ocean, some good food and some books. I can see the giant beach hat and sunglasses and infinite number of naps in my mind. So meh. 🙂