The Worm That Destroys Your Peace

I had a wonderful, lovely quick chat with my father this morning. He and I had had a big argument a few days prior, and I hadn’t talked to him since though I’d called my mom. It took a lot to pick up the phone to try again. My parents were in the middle of a movie, so the call was brief, but there was so much love and affection and happiness in his voice. He was really glad I’d called.

After I jumped off the call, I enjoyed my peace for a few seconds before going down the negative thought spirals that so often consume my waking days now. Anger at the system, anger at the bad leaders I’ve been exposed to at the international and smaller level at my company. Anger at the sexism and racism that I and so many of my friends have faced. Anger at the lack of repercussions and accountability at the very top where it matters the most. The burdens of some of the biggest problems are always borne by the people who can least afford to bear it.

To break the cycle, I brought myself back to my dad’s voice over the phone. It made me smile. Time for a list of things I’m grateful for:

  1. My family’s love, despite past disagreements. Right now, I choose to focus on our togetherness and unfailing love.
  2. I just finished a delicious cup of hot cocoa I’d made with spices that I really enjoyed. 🙂
  3. It’s a soft, foggy, humid, contemplative day in San Francisco. While I love sunny days, these types of days bring me peace because it slows my pace of thinking down if I allow it to sink in. If I allow myself to be present in the now.
  4. I’ve been getting tons of rest during the night this weekend. All the emotions, frustration, feeling trapped, anger, sadness and disappointment have been taking a toll on my sleep, so I’m really grateful that I’ve been able to get several nights of wonderful, rejuvenating sleep. It was much needed.
  5. I had an awesome Saturday. I was happy most of the day yesterday even though I mostly just ran errands and worked out and sang as usual. I got to hang out virtually with my brother and we watched a movie together on Netflix and then chatted about it on Skype.
  6. I’m grateful that technology still allows me to be close to people who are far away, who I really miss.
  7. I’m catching up with other close friends today.

Happy Sunday! I hope you find things that bring you peace and joy today!